Yesterday we went to the county fair in the morning. There is something about the fair and seeing all the animals that I just LOVE! I don't like the creepy rides but I love the agricultural aspects. We went first thing in the morning and got a great parking space so I didn't have to walk far, then got in line to go in because it hadn't opened yet.
While waiting, we gave Nathan and Kenna a bottle of water to share. Neither of them really likes water but I'm trying to get them used to it. Still, they really like holding on to something, and normally I don't give them anything while waiting. We had two bottles of water, actually, but whenever we have a chance to teach them to share something we do that. Here was an opportunity.
For whatever reason, they were grumpy and didn't want to share (it has been going SO well in other ways!). So, we took it away after a few minutes. Kenna proceeded to throw a tantrum in the stroller, crying and screaming. And yes, everyone started looking at us.
This seemed like such a pivotal moment, as it moved in slow motion...what...should...we...do? On the one hand, I HATE to be embarrassed. I NEVER want to be *that* parent with screaming children. On the other hand, if I give in to it and give them what they are fighting over (with each getting a bottle), they quickly will learn that they simply throw a fit and then get what they want. Or, there is the horrible middle ground that so many people give in to - just distract them somehow so they forget what they wanted and stop crying and that way you didn't actually give them what they were crying over. For me personally, that's a "technique" I refuse to use. I don't believe distracting our kids is any kind of discipline. It may be easier for us but it doesn't do anything to teach them.
For 10 minutes we were waiting in the line and Kenna did not settle down the whole time. It was one of the worst tantrums I had ever seen from her - usually she calms down soon after we have a "talk" with her, but this time she refused. Embarrassed or not, we held our ground and didn't give her anything or distract her. After a while I told her that if she continued she would get a spanking inside. I've gone back and forth more times than I can count on whether I ever want to use spanking, because it's really punishment and not discipline, and discipline is what I believe *should* be important. It's a very fine line. But in cases like this, punishment is really the only thing that I felt fit the situation because 1) she had multiple warnings 2) there is no way to do a time out at this age because we need a containment area (otherwise they won't just sit there yet) and 3) there is no logical consequence like taking a toy away (I can't explain to a 19 month old that she will lose a toy when she gets home, and leaving the fair altogether was probably what would have calmed her down at that point; there was no point to me in all of us having to leave because of her bad attitude, which really leaves punishment). Bryan is more opposed to spanking than I am, though I have been mostly opposed all this time as well. Even he looked at me and said she needs a spanking. It was a weird moment where we both knew what fit the situation despite prior discussions where we agreed we weren't going to be a "spanking family".
So the gate finally opened and in we went. We immediately pulled over next to the barn and Kenna was taken out of the stroller, told why this was happening, told her it was going to happen 3 times, was turned over, and firmly spanked. After the spanking I explained it again and asked her to say sorry for her behavior. She said "sorry", I told her I forgave her even though she had to be punished for what she did. I asked her if she was now done with her crying/tantrum and she said "done" and nodded. We put her in the stroller and she didn't make a peep again over the issue.
This is really a tough issue for me. I feel like the perfect parent should be able to achieve the desired results without using pure punishment tactics. But, I guess none of us our perfect parents no matter how much we want to be. I've evaluated this in my head several times since then and I can't come to any better solution for that situation. Plus she responded exactly how I would have hoped so it re-enforced that it was the right thing to do.
I know that a lot of people would conclude that it's not worth spanking for something like that and we should have just walked her around until she cooled down (a form of distraction). But that's what she would have wanted. I feel strongly that I never want to give them what they want when they are throwing a fit so that just doesn't fit with my philosophy. Fortunately, Bryan and I are on the same page on it. It's just a tough thing to get your head around when you want to be "better" than spanking. I'm holding out hope that finding a necessity in it is temporary for this age group because you can't use delayed consequences. If they were like 3 or something I can't imagine needing it anymore because I could tell them what was going to happen at home and they would understand. Then again, there may be a whole new category of things I haven't even thought of for 3 year olds where spanking still comes into play. I'll just have to remain open I guess.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Alexa Update
A little pregnancy update for those interested...
I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant - did I just say that? It sounds totally crazy to say out loud! I feel big but not huge. When I go through growth spurts I definitely feel it though, as I have trouble breathing and am more uncomfortable walking, etc. This last week I've been feeling better in general so I think I got used to the latest spurt, which had lasted about 3 weeks and made me feel miserable.
I still throw up...every...single...morning. Actually I think there have been maybe 5 mornings throughout the whole pregnancy that I didn't throw up. So I guess it's 99% of the time. :) I'm used to it but tired of it. I hate waking up and first thing feeling awful. I am totally looking forward to not having this sickness anymore - it's been 26 weeks straight! How insane?!
I can't complain though. To be honest, aside from morning sickness, I've had a pretty textbook pregnancy thus far. No complications whatsoever (knock on wood). I feel really fortunate that way. So, there isn't too much to report!
We are about 95% done with the nursery. I'll post a pic when it's complete. It's very pink with flowers and butterflies. :) I was excited to get very girly this time since before with the twins all had to be gender neutral. All we have left to do is hang letters on the wall with her name, move some stuff out of her closet to my office, and hang the valance.
We did a 4D ultrasound (picture above). We didn't get super pictures because her knee was in front of her face almost the whole time. No front pictures at all, but we did get a few cute profile shots. The one above is my favorite. It was really cool to actually see that she is a real baby though, given that we've only had 2 other ultrasounds and they were long ago! After so many IF treatments and struggles, I still find it very hard to believe that a full-on baby can be created the natural way. How on earth does a baby develop from an egg and sperm randomly floating about as opposed to a perfect lab-created embryo placed where it should go?! So weird. But there she was, a beautifully developed little girl who grew without lab help. We could see her moving quite a bit but I didn't feel much of it. Even now at 32 weeks I don't feel a lot of movement. I think the anterior placenta impacts that a lot.
Other than that, we are going on a hospital tour Monday, I have a breastfeeding class Tuesday, I need to finish the hospital bag and we are ready. Despite my general feelings of thinking breastfeeding is gross (just to be honest), I'm going to give it a shot. I know it would be great for the baby, and much cheaper (and no bottle washing!). I also like the idea of feeling like I experienced the full "natural cycle" of getting pregnant the old fashioned way and then breastfed. Even though I highly doubt it's something I'll enjoy, I figure that I shouldn't just assume that and at least try. I will definitely pump too though - there is no way I want to be the only person feeding her! Nope, Bryan needs his share of night time feedings too. :)
I have found some peace with the whole birthing process. I've spent a lot of weeks obsessing about it and being scared but the closer I get the more I'm accepting that whatever will come will come. Alexa is transverse and I have a pretty good feeling it will be a c section. But either way, I now believe that I will *probably* live through it. A few weeks ago I would have told you there was a 50% chance I was going to die during child birth. Now THAT is progress. :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
19 Months!
Dare I say that things have gotten some easier in the last month? I don't know what it is exactly but it seems that between 18 and 19 months there has been a noticeable difference in mental maturity. I think I mentioned in my last post that Nathan just didn't respond to discipline and didn't listen to instructions (though he understands them) regularly. Well, suddenly my little man now seems to care much more about consequences and regularly DOES listen to my instructions - in fact, he's better than Kenna about it sometimes! When I ask him to come, he actually comes now! When I ask him to wait, he puts his hand on the closest thing to wait (a little trick I taught him to help him "do" something while waiting). It's made life SO much easier. For both of them, they mostly just listen now when I say not to touch something and move on to something else. This makes a gigantic difference in life because I'm not constantly fighting the battle of guarding them every second. I know that 8 times out of 10 they will just listen now. Because of that, I have been able to let them run around the kitchen and living room while I prepare their meals. In the past they have had to wait in the pack n plays in the living room because they would just get into EVERYTHING while I was cooking and I couldn't deal with it. Now they know what they should and shouldn't touch and listen when I say no, so they have the freedom to run around like older kids and we all love it. :)
So, in summary I would say that this last month has been a wonderful transition from baby/toddler to toddler. I know some people say it gets harder as they get older, but for me right now, I have to say that the ability for them to understand and communicate and listen far trumps everything else. Talk to me again in a month and we'll see if that is still true!
KENNA
Well, I won't be doing any more word lists or counts because it would be impossible at this point - Kenna talks constantly and uses many new words daily. She says what sounds like whole sentences though you can only make out the key word. I so much wonder what the rest means! She's been doing a great job with French too. She answers instructions in French and questions in French just like English. Certainly they don't have the same breadth of language yet for French as they do for English, but I'm surprised at how much they do already know from 1 hour per day that we do.
Interestingly, in the last month Kenna has lost a lot of her interest in books! It's so odd, because she was OBSESSED with books before as I said in my last post. She still likes to have them down and look at them but she doesn't want to sit and read anymore like she did - she is fine with me reading "over" them and then she pops over to point various things out. I think she is just going through a phase where she is enjoying exploring her other toys finally. She now is interested in putting shapes through sorters, stacking things, and verbally labeling objects around her rather than just in her books.
I've been spending more time playing them music and singing to them/with them. Kenna now requests songs - "Row Row" or "inkle" (Twinkle Twinkle) or "Day" (This is the day), or "esus" (Jesus Loves Me). Nathan also requests songs but always requests Row Row. :)
Kenna has a mischievous little spirit. Her crib is next to the shutters in her room and each night we close the shutters at bed time. Every morning the babies have been waking up earlier than usual for a while because the shutters are "mysteriously" open by morning time and let the light in before we want them to get up. The other night we closed the door to their room after putting them down and it looked like always, that they were ready to drift off to sleep. But Bryan opened the door quietly a minute after we closed it and Kenna was standing up in her crib with her hand on the shutters and a big huge smile. LOL Bryan told her, "Kenna, let's go to sleep. Shutters stay closed." She closed them and went back to lie down. The next morning they were awake early as usual...with the shutters back open. :)
This month Kenna also stopped calling Nathan "Dee" (as in Buddy) and calls him "Natan". Nathan still doesn't refer to Kenna by a specific name but we are working on it!
A MAJOR event happened this month! Kenna is finally able to stay at the church nursery without being hysterical! For several months we would try to leave them at the nursery but we would get paged to come back 20 minutes or so into the service. It was driving me nuts. It seemed so pointless to go to church for that amount of time but I also didn't want to give in to it. She just has had really bad separation anxiety and completely goes hysterical when we leave her with people she doesn't know (not an issue with the nanny or grandparents). We found out that there are other rooms for the same age group at the nursery so we tried a different room...and SUCCESS! The woman running that room just knew how to deal with the anxiety and miracle of all miracles happened...we returned the first time leaving them in that room with NO PAGER GOING OFF!! Both Nathan and Kenna were just playing away in the room and no tears. We have now had success three times in a row. I'm THRILLED!
Kenna loves to laugh and sometimes just bursts into what is like a "fake" laughter, I think because it makes everyone else laugh! Despite her stranger anxiety, she is definitely a show off when she is comfortable. She even shows off just for us. The other day when we were driving I suddenly heard her laughing. I turned around and she was balancing a book on her head without her hands and was fully amused by showing us!
We are doing baby swim lessons with them on Saturdays. They are just 20 minute lessons and they build on the unique instincts that kids this age still have. We're a little late to the game - it's recommended kids start lessons at 6 months - but better late than never! The first lesson went terribly, as they were both hysterical. The second lesson was awesome! The instructor was able to take them himself and despite Kenna's normal anxiety, after a few times with him for a few minutes, she was totally fine. My philosophy with them is that anxiety can never be overcome by constantly giving in to natural fears. Kids will never choose to face their fears on their own, so I believe it's a parent's responsibility to help them to do so - not to avoid the fears. So many kids are scared of dogs, for example - but every time I see a kid like that, I also see a parent telling them to get behind them or to walk further away, or whatever to get away. Kenna starting showing some fear of dogs a few months back but every time we see a dog now I make it a point that we go up to see the dog as closely as is safe and talk about the dog. She very rarely shows fear of dogs now and loves pointing them out. I know not everything will be that "successful", but I will always do my best to help them face every fear and not show them how to get away from it (UNLESS of course it is a true danger). I have tons of fears myself and I hope my kids will never be like that. I have absolutely no qualms about "pushing" them beyond their comfort zone - I firmly believe that is what is best for them.
NATHAN
Nathan has shown a much stronger interest in words over the last month! He is still not the motormouth that his sister is, but I've noticed that he pays more attention to words and repeats a lot more what he hears. For some reason, please is "pee-oo" sometimes and "pees" other times. I love his little "pee-oo" even if no one else knows what it means! He says it more than any other word because he knows that's how you get something. His vocabularly is growing and he picks up more words each day too. He actually gets a lot from Kenna I think. He rarely picks up a word that she doesn't already say. The words she says regularly however stick with him. It's good to have a twin sister who loves to talk!
Recently Nathan started asking for me a lot - he comes over and says, "mommy! mommy!" and oooohhhh how that melts my heart. Since I'm with them most of the time, it's usually "daddy" or "papa" who get called for. He woke up from a nap the other day and Bryan went to get them, and Nathan asked for "mommy"! I was very excited to be requested. :)
Nathan's favorite past time is putting things away right now! He loves taking things out of boxes and then collecting them all and putting them away. I have no trouble at all when I say "clean up time!" - both of them come running to put everything away. In the mornings in their room when I say it's time to go downstairs they know that also means they need to put away whatever they had out and they are so good about just going and organizing everything. Nathan nicely puts everything away but always puts his favorite stuffed animal, Tortue, in his crib to keep in safely there. It's just so cute!
I'm seeing quite a little temper in Nathan lately. He gets quite frustrated when he wants to do something and can't figure it out. He immediately lets out a little scream and bounces up and down. I encourage him to sit down and figure it out with a little help from mommy but if he can't calm down enough to do so, I tell him he needs to cool down. That means he needs to walk away for a minute and then he can come back to it. I'm trying to teach him how to manage his emotions a little bit. Tough to do at this age, but as with everything it's best to start early!
He also loves climbing on things. He will get onto a chair, off of a chair, onto a chair, off of a chair, for the longest time. I have a perception that he isn't too coordinated because he tends to fall down a lot. But I was so surprised at what he was able to do at Gymboree this morning! We hadn't been before because I can't take two kids by myself. They usually go with their grandparents each week but grammy and papa are on vacation this week. So, Bryan took time off work this morning and we took them together. It was SO fun to watch our little people interact with other little people! And Nathan in particular really loved the balance beam! I couldn't believe how well he was doing with it at his age! I think we may have a little gymnast now!
Nothing makes Nathan laugh more than being chased or thrown around by daddy. It's a deep belly laughter that is precious. He can hardly catch his breath sometimes, he gets so excited. :)
I'll post some pics and a pregnancy/Alexa update later. Just 8 weeks to go!
So, in summary I would say that this last month has been a wonderful transition from baby/toddler to toddler. I know some people say it gets harder as they get older, but for me right now, I have to say that the ability for them to understand and communicate and listen far trumps everything else. Talk to me again in a month and we'll see if that is still true!
KENNA
Well, I won't be doing any more word lists or counts because it would be impossible at this point - Kenna talks constantly and uses many new words daily. She says what sounds like whole sentences though you can only make out the key word. I so much wonder what the rest means! She's been doing a great job with French too. She answers instructions in French and questions in French just like English. Certainly they don't have the same breadth of language yet for French as they do for English, but I'm surprised at how much they do already know from 1 hour per day that we do.
Interestingly, in the last month Kenna has lost a lot of her interest in books! It's so odd, because she was OBSESSED with books before as I said in my last post. She still likes to have them down and look at them but she doesn't want to sit and read anymore like she did - she is fine with me reading "over" them and then she pops over to point various things out. I think she is just going through a phase where she is enjoying exploring her other toys finally. She now is interested in putting shapes through sorters, stacking things, and verbally labeling objects around her rather than just in her books.
I've been spending more time playing them music and singing to them/with them. Kenna now requests songs - "Row Row" or "inkle" (Twinkle Twinkle) or "Day" (This is the day), or "esus" (Jesus Loves Me). Nathan also requests songs but always requests Row Row. :)
Kenna has a mischievous little spirit. Her crib is next to the shutters in her room and each night we close the shutters at bed time. Every morning the babies have been waking up earlier than usual for a while because the shutters are "mysteriously" open by morning time and let the light in before we want them to get up. The other night we closed the door to their room after putting them down and it looked like always, that they were ready to drift off to sleep. But Bryan opened the door quietly a minute after we closed it and Kenna was standing up in her crib with her hand on the shutters and a big huge smile. LOL Bryan told her, "Kenna, let's go to sleep. Shutters stay closed." She closed them and went back to lie down. The next morning they were awake early as usual...with the shutters back open. :)
This month Kenna also stopped calling Nathan "Dee" (as in Buddy) and calls him "Natan". Nathan still doesn't refer to Kenna by a specific name but we are working on it!
A MAJOR event happened this month! Kenna is finally able to stay at the church nursery without being hysterical! For several months we would try to leave them at the nursery but we would get paged to come back 20 minutes or so into the service. It was driving me nuts. It seemed so pointless to go to church for that amount of time but I also didn't want to give in to it. She just has had really bad separation anxiety and completely goes hysterical when we leave her with people she doesn't know (not an issue with the nanny or grandparents). We found out that there are other rooms for the same age group at the nursery so we tried a different room...and SUCCESS! The woman running that room just knew how to deal with the anxiety and miracle of all miracles happened...we returned the first time leaving them in that room with NO PAGER GOING OFF!! Both Nathan and Kenna were just playing away in the room and no tears. We have now had success three times in a row. I'm THRILLED!
Kenna loves to laugh and sometimes just bursts into what is like a "fake" laughter, I think because it makes everyone else laugh! Despite her stranger anxiety, she is definitely a show off when she is comfortable. She even shows off just for us. The other day when we were driving I suddenly heard her laughing. I turned around and she was balancing a book on her head without her hands and was fully amused by showing us!
We are doing baby swim lessons with them on Saturdays. They are just 20 minute lessons and they build on the unique instincts that kids this age still have. We're a little late to the game - it's recommended kids start lessons at 6 months - but better late than never! The first lesson went terribly, as they were both hysterical. The second lesson was awesome! The instructor was able to take them himself and despite Kenna's normal anxiety, after a few times with him for a few minutes, she was totally fine. My philosophy with them is that anxiety can never be overcome by constantly giving in to natural fears. Kids will never choose to face their fears on their own, so I believe it's a parent's responsibility to help them to do so - not to avoid the fears. So many kids are scared of dogs, for example - but every time I see a kid like that, I also see a parent telling them to get behind them or to walk further away, or whatever to get away. Kenna starting showing some fear of dogs a few months back but every time we see a dog now I make it a point that we go up to see the dog as closely as is safe and talk about the dog. She very rarely shows fear of dogs now and loves pointing them out. I know not everything will be that "successful", but I will always do my best to help them face every fear and not show them how to get away from it (UNLESS of course it is a true danger). I have tons of fears myself and I hope my kids will never be like that. I have absolutely no qualms about "pushing" them beyond their comfort zone - I firmly believe that is what is best for them.
NATHAN
Nathan has shown a much stronger interest in words over the last month! He is still not the motormouth that his sister is, but I've noticed that he pays more attention to words and repeats a lot more what he hears. For some reason, please is "pee-oo" sometimes and "pees" other times. I love his little "pee-oo" even if no one else knows what it means! He says it more than any other word because he knows that's how you get something. His vocabularly is growing and he picks up more words each day too. He actually gets a lot from Kenna I think. He rarely picks up a word that she doesn't already say. The words she says regularly however stick with him. It's good to have a twin sister who loves to talk!
Recently Nathan started asking for me a lot - he comes over and says, "mommy! mommy!" and oooohhhh how that melts my heart. Since I'm with them most of the time, it's usually "daddy" or "papa" who get called for. He woke up from a nap the other day and Bryan went to get them, and Nathan asked for "mommy"! I was very excited to be requested. :)
Nathan's favorite past time is putting things away right now! He loves taking things out of boxes and then collecting them all and putting them away. I have no trouble at all when I say "clean up time!" - both of them come running to put everything away. In the mornings in their room when I say it's time to go downstairs they know that also means they need to put away whatever they had out and they are so good about just going and organizing everything. Nathan nicely puts everything away but always puts his favorite stuffed animal, Tortue, in his crib to keep in safely there. It's just so cute!
I'm seeing quite a little temper in Nathan lately. He gets quite frustrated when he wants to do something and can't figure it out. He immediately lets out a little scream and bounces up and down. I encourage him to sit down and figure it out with a little help from mommy but if he can't calm down enough to do so, I tell him he needs to cool down. That means he needs to walk away for a minute and then he can come back to it. I'm trying to teach him how to manage his emotions a little bit. Tough to do at this age, but as with everything it's best to start early!
He also loves climbing on things. He will get onto a chair, off of a chair, onto a chair, off of a chair, for the longest time. I have a perception that he isn't too coordinated because he tends to fall down a lot. But I was so surprised at what he was able to do at Gymboree this morning! We hadn't been before because I can't take two kids by myself. They usually go with their grandparents each week but grammy and papa are on vacation this week. So, Bryan took time off work this morning and we took them together. It was SO fun to watch our little people interact with other little people! And Nathan in particular really loved the balance beam! I couldn't believe how well he was doing with it at his age! I think we may have a little gymnast now!
Nothing makes Nathan laugh more than being chased or thrown around by daddy. It's a deep belly laughter that is precious. He can hardly catch his breath sometimes, he gets so excited. :)
I'll post some pics and a pregnancy/Alexa update later. Just 8 weeks to go!
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