Some big news

I'll be doing a 15 month Nathan and Kenna update soon, but in the meantime I have some big news to share with those of you still reading. :) This is a post I never, ever thought I would write...

I'M PREGNANT!

No IVFs. No surrogate. No trying. It just happened naturally and is, of course, a huge surprise. And yes, it's actually me writing this, the person who never once had a positive pregnancy test over the course of 5 "perfect" IVFs.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and due September 12. We've had two ultrasounds and everything measures/looks great.

Let me take this opportunity to apologize to the infertility world for contributing to the urban legend that if you stop trying you will get pregnant. Pretty much everyone we have told to date (unfamiliar with infertility) has made some comment about how they've heard that happens a lot and how it "must have been all that stress" that made it not work before. Yes, apparently stress is the reason that trumps stage IV endometriosis as the explanation.

On the other end of the spectrum, a few people have been pretty unphased by it, just saying, "cool! congratulations!" That reaction really took me aback at first because *I* am in total shock still, so how can anyone not realize how INSANELY crazy and unlikely this is? Well, it's always someone who knows nothing about infertility that responds that way so I have to remember they just think this is totally "normal". Truth be told, getting pregnant "easily" this time has been eye opening. I seriously can't believe this is what happens for most people. No tears. No heartbreak. No money. No shots. No surgeries. No fear. No pain. They just "get pregnant" and get on with looking forward to their baby. I've always been bothered by the unfairness of it all, and now I feel that times 1000. If this is how you got pregnant, you couldn't even begin to fathom what it's like to go through infertility. (Disclaimer: I have to say that I do have friends who didn't go through infertility and were remarkably understanding - so this doesn't apply to everyone.)

We just sent out the announcement to friends and extended family this morning, now that we have hit 12 weeks. (We had told people we see regularly earlier.) It will be interesting to see the responses. :)

So far pregnancy has been really hard for me physically. I throw up 3-4 times a day usually. I have thrown up at least once every day (except one day!) for six weeks. I'm exhausted from it. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not crouched over the toilet thinking about how exciting it is to be pregnant. (I'm actually thinking, "I can't even begin to fathom that someone else was willing to do this for me.") Everyone's first reaction to the news is, "Are you excited?!" and my honest response is, "I'm too sick to be excited right now." I'm SO sick first thing in the morning, it's like having the flu for weeks on end. And then I have to go take care of Nathan and Kenna feeling like any minute I will throw up on them. I'm hoping and praying the morning sickness (which is all day sickness for me) will go away soon. But, it's actually been getting worse lately and I fear I will be like my mom and be sick for all nine months. Oh my, I'm not prepared for that.

I guess none of it seems real to me right now. I feel like I just have some kind of illness I'm learning to live with for a few months rather than like we are expecting a baby! I can't wait to find out the gender in a couple of months because I think it will help me visualize the baby better and feel more like a normal pregnant person. I guess things would seem dramatically different too if the morning sickness just went away. I'm so bad at keeping perspective when things are tough.

In the meantime, I will continue to be in awe of J. She never told us how sick she was when she was pregnant with N & K. I knew she was sick here and there but she didn't want us to feel bad and never told us the extent of it. I just found out recently that she threw up all the time until 16 weeks. And she had two kids, just like I do right now, to take care of. Can you imagine being willing to endure that for someone else? Can you imagine the size of the heart you have to have? It's beyond all comprehension. It always has been, but being pregnant gives that another dimension now. I literally think of her every time I'm throwing up in the morning. LOL That sounded funny, but you know what I mean. :)

So that's the scoop. Pretty shocking, isn't it?