Even though no one of course actually knew if the baby was boy or girl, EVERYONE thought it was going to be a girl (Bryan and I, family, and friends), so no one was really surprised!
Most importantly, she looked perfect - everything measured correctly, all the right parts were there, all our genetic blood screening came back normal. She weighed 9 ounces and was moving all over the place, though I couldn't feel a thing! I still haven't felt movement, but we did see an explanation for that today (which made me feel better). The placenta is anterior, so it's basically providing padding between the baby and me feeling her (usually placentas are behind the baby). It doesn't cause any trouble, it just means it will take longer for me to feel her. It was great to see her being so active in there though! We could hardly get her to hold still! I can't explain how odd it is to be the one on the table getting the ultrasound and seeing the baby move all over with no feeling of it. It's surreal. It seemed like I was just watching a movie of someone else's uterus.
I have to say I feel soooo much better tonight about everything related to the baby. I've been worried in the back of my mind because we haven't seen an ultrasound in 3 months and really had no idea what was going on in there! I worried about development, I worried I wasn't feeling movement, I worried about the genetic screening. Everything seemed to be ambiguous still. Today helped it feel a lot more real. Knowing things look good and being able to picture a girl specifically makes all the difference in the world. I feel so relieved. I kept asking questions to the ultrasound tech about whether or not there was any sign of various problems (is the placenta in the right place? Are the heart chambers OK? Are the intestines all inside?!) and she looked at me so funny and finally said, "are you EXPECTING a problem?" I really wanted to say "YES!" It's too hard to imagine that a uterus that failed so many times to sustain a life for even a day could support a perfectly normal baby now. It just doesn't make sense. She was so nice though - very reassuring and kept telling us how perfect everything looked.
I'm down to throwing up once a day. An improvement I guess! I generally feel OK the rest of the day once I get past the morning "hump". So, things are some better than earlier on. But first thing in the morning I still get immediately sick. If you had told me at 11 or 12 weeks I would still throw up daily at 19 weeks, I would have had a nervous breakdown. lol (God has a reason for not letting us see the future!) I'm more at the point of acceptance now. It does help a lot to know it's mostly confined to morning at this point. It's taking its toll over time on my body, though - yesterday I actually threw up some blood because there is so much irritation from doing this daily. It's definitely not been easy! I admire women who make it look like a breeze!
I look pregnant now, depending on what I wear. I have to admit it freaks me out a little. I have NEVER pictured myself pregnant, before or after infertility set in, so this is just *weird*. I don't feel anything, but my stomach is getting progressively larger?! I have gained 6 pounds and have never seen that number on the scale in my life. I keep asking Bryan if I look bigger anywhere but my stomach because I'm determined to only gain stomach weight (haha, yeah, I know, good luck with that!). Pretty much every day I look at my profile in the mirror with a puzzled look on my face. I don't know if pregnancy will ever seem like a reality to me because I counted it out so long ago. It makes me realize just how deep those issues of infertility can run. I can imagine it seems bizarre to anyone who didn't go through it that at almost 20 weeks of pregnancy I still don't seem to grasp this has happened. But it truly doesn't seem "real". I am hoping it will all set in more now that we got good news and found out the gender. I can go buy a little dress to hang on the wall. :)
I owe a blog post update on Nathan and Kenna and will do that this week. But had to update about the big news today! Here are some pics!
